Why R U OK? Day is Problematic...Hear Me Out!

It's suicide prevention month, it's such a vitally important month worldwide, Suicide and it's prevention is one of the most important conversations we can have worldwide.

In Australia, one of the front-runners in the suicide conversation is R U OK? the company that has produce a vital campaign called R U OK? Day it has been a day that is changing the conversation of Mental Health and has been in a plight to do so for almost 10 years. but if I am honest, there's something about it that just gets under my skin. not about the campaign, but about peoples attitude toward it. In this post, I am going to talk about my issues with R U OK? day and what I think we can do to continue to make a positive difference in the conversation around Mental Health.

What a perfect team!

What is your idea of a perfect team?

That team that plays ball well together? The swim team that gets the gold medal? The football team that hasn't lost game all season? Something similar? Well for me, It's anxiety and depression. 

For me to better explain to you the last few weeks of my life. 

Lets look at our first player: Anxiety. 

It all started when the kids in my street decided it was a good idea to play in my yard, me being me and not liking confrontation let them, kept quiet, well joyful little wonders they are decided to start destroying my fence, which I still don't know if i have to pay for or not. 

The next thing that happened was constant threats of rocks being thrown through my windows, and things that may happen to my house. None of this happened, but with two previous break ins, and constantly finding people looking through my windows in the backyard, men (who i do not know) constantly asking to come in my home at 2am,  you can maybe understand why my anxiety was a little sky high over these threats. 

The next thing that happened was  the bus company I frequent changed it's route. These same kids had thrown rocks at two different busses damaging them enough to stop an entire bus services from going down my street.

This might seam like a small deal to most people but this small thing changed, no big deal, but for me it's a huge overwhelming change that I don't think many people understand. The bus I would get an hour and a half after I would wake up. I had set times I did things, I would wake up at 645 an leave my house at 8.08 for my 8.15 bus. When they ended the route I had to change every thing i did in that hour and a half. 

This was right before the holidays, I actually found out mid holidays why,

During these holidays my neighbour again caught some one in my back yard, so thankful for him being aware enough and telling this individual where to go, who knew what could have happened. 

Anxiety is a really good addition to this team, even when I am smooth sailing, attending tafe, sitting in class, attending conferences, Anxiety still seems to make it's self aware where ever possible. 

Lets look at our second addition to the team: Depression

Depression is that player that shows up when the team is a head in the game, when the score is super high. Players like depression start scoring, gaining lots of metres when, basically Depression comes a long and makes things better (please note the sarcasm in some of these statements) 

I am one of those people who is lucky enough to have that AMAZING type of depression that lets you get to the top of your own game, it lets you push and fight against it, and then. . . knock you the hell off your feet, I call it self sabotaging depression. 

I've been going pretty well lately, I think the secret is to not say that out loud, though! I literally said to some one (when they asked how I was going) that my life was pretty "breezy" at that point in time. To be honest i feel like since i said that self doubt, and self loathing has taken over completely. 

A kind of self loathing where I believe this is what i deserve, this feeling this voice in my head is correct and I have no right to think otherwise. 

The Team: 

When you put these two players together with some other key players like a social phobia or PTSD you end up in a whirlwind. a heavy darkness, a fog that seems never ending. 

They're a team that are so hard to play against. The team no one wants to face because their plight is just so brutal. 

I know that in a couple of days, maybe weeks things will start to balance out again, just like it has any other time, I will come out the victor, but damn when you're in the thick of it they're hard to beat.

If you would like to read my other Mental Health related posts, click here

Suicide and The New Year Peak

Hi there party goers, sorry to bring the mood down, I dont think this post will be a long one, but this post is really important, especially after the year most of us have had. Suicide can be prevented, the more we talk about it, the more we educate ourselves the more we can help some one at their most dire time of need.

Firstly, if the situation is urgent, please do not leave the person alone, call 000/911 what ever you emergency services number is and tell them that the persons life is at risk.

 It's assumed in that the suicide rate rises over Christmas, but that is not true, the suicide rate actually drops over Christmas but rises over the New Year period. 

People who attempt suicide do not necessarily want to die, they simply want to end the intense emotional pain that follows them day by day. The thought of bringing that pain in to another year, or living another year of intense pain and hopelessness can be unbearable,  So why bother?

A lot of loved ones of a person who has fallen to a completed suicide often say that they never saw it coming, or that they were always so happy, for a lot of people who attempt to take their own lives are often showing signs that are painfully obvious, some times not obvious, here is a short list some signs a person may be suicidal:

• Threatening to hurt or kill themselves or Looking for ways to kill themselves: seeking access to pills, weapons, or other means
• Talking or writing about death, dying or suicide: This might be also an outlet of feelings, but it vital to talk the person about what they are talking or writing about, let them know your thoughts, let them open up to you.
• Hopelessness: one of my favourite saying is 'where there is life, there is hope' but not everybody can see the hope in their future, its gone, and to the person at risk, there's not getting it back.
• Rage, anger, seeking revenge 
• Acting recklessly or engaging in risky activities, seemingly without thinking 
• Feeling trapped, like there’s no way out 
• Increasing alcohol and drug use  
• Withdrawing from friends, family or society 
• Anxiety, agitation, unable to sleep or sleeping all the time 
• Dramatic changes in mood: This can go either way, the person at risk, might become sad and depressed as their date of choice nears closer, but they may also grow excited that the pain will soon end.
• Giving away their stuff: There might be something special that the person at risk might give away, so a specific person. Or just giving things away in general, it could be a form of spring cleaning or something a whole lot worse.
• No reason for living, no sense of purpose in life

 It's one thing to suspect some one is at risk of suicide or self harm, its another to know what to do, Here are some do's and dont's:

Don’t… 

•  Do not dispute the person's thoughts of suicide: a simple "Oh come in you dont feel like that" can be more harming then you realise, 
• Tell them Suicide is wrong: We all know that suicide is sad, and it leaves people behind hurt and upset, but this is not the time or the place to debate this, this is a life or death situation, your thoughts on the act are not what's important right now. 
• use guilt or threats to prevent suicide: do not tell the person they will go to hell or ruin other people’s lives if they die by suicide.
• Minimise the suicidal person’s problems: Their problems might be trivial to you, you might have been through worse, or over come a similar thing, good for you, I'm proud of you but take a walk in their shoes, this is the worst for them. 
• Interrupt with stories of your own: I in no way mean to minimise your story, i know you have been through a hell of a lot but it doesnt mean shit right now, if your friend or loved on is at risk of suicide, your stories are not going to help, If you do need help, please come talk to me,
• Don't give insincere reassurance: statements such as Dont worry or everything is going to be okay do not ease the pain, this person has lost all sense of hope, right now, the cant see a possible way that everything can be okay.. 
• call their bluff: if you do this, you suck! Like, you can be 100% certain that the person is not going to do anything to harm themselves, doing this would be such a slap in the face regardless of their plans. 
• give a diagnosis of a mental illness: Read this carefully, People at risk are not necessarily mentally unwell, but menally unwell people are a higher risk of suicide, please do not put a diagnosis on them, its not what they need right now.  
• Do not avoid using the word suicide:  discuss the issue directly without fear or negative judgement. 

Dos:

• Positive body language: Only 7% of our communication is spoken, that leaves 93% left to other means, one of out biggest communicators is our body language try to hold a positive attitude through this. 
• Be patient: It's hard to express our deepest darkest thoughts to some one else, if some one has trusted you with this please, be patient.
•  and calm while the suicidal person is talking about their feelings. 
• Listen openly: the person at risk is trusting you with their absolute darkest thoughts and feelings, be calm and listen openly and acceptingly to what they are telling you. It's helpful to show you are listening by clarifying important points, or summarising what the person is saying.
• Ask open-ended questions: When talking to the person at risk it's important to give them a place to feel safe and opportunity to explore, closed questions can be answered simply with a 'no' explore with your questions, 
• Express empathy: Please know the difference between Sympathy and Empathy, Sympathy is sorrowful and pittying, Empathy is understanding and sharing ones feelings. If you're going to show Empathy, mean it! The Person At risk will know if you dont. 

This is literally a do or die situation, if you are afraid somebody is going to attempt suicide please contact authoroties, the person at risk might not like you for it but hopefully soon enough the will thank you for it. It's not easy to be the person who is responding to a person at risk, please be careful, and make sure you talk to some one as well. 

Like I said earlier Suicide can be prevented, the more we talk about things like this the more we educate ourselves, the more we educate each other on the risks and what to do the more we will be able to help people. 

If you're feeling hopeless please reach out to some one, click below for a list of worldwide prevention numbers. These people don't sit on the other end of these phones for fun, the do it because the genuinely want to help people like you get through this hard time. Reach out to me if you'd like, i'm always happy to listen and give advice. There are many ways to contact me, just hit the contact button at the top of the page!

New Year is a time where most of us feel joy and happiness, we enjoy our families, we celebrate the good things in our life. For many it highlights the divisions, the distance and the loss. Please if you are worried about a work mate, friend or loved one, reach out. They’ll be thankful that you did.

Click Here For A list of World Hot lines

Thanks my post for today guys, I know I said in the beginning it would be a short post and it really wasn't, but i dont mind because it's something I am really important that i feel not enough people talk about this will not be the last post i make on Suicide. Start a conversation, If you think i have missed something please comment it below. 

If you would like to read any of my other Mental Health Related posts, simply click here!

Credit: This article was really helpful in helping me write this post

Christmas, Depression, How To Help!

Between 1 in 5 ( Or more) Australians  experience a Mental Illness at any time of the year. Christmas in particular is a time where a lot of people putting added pressure on themselves to be joyful or merry or to buy that perfect Christmas gift. Over the next couple of weeks in the lead up to Christmas and New Year I am hoping to pen a couple of posts highlighting what many of us seem to over look in our rush for the perfect Christmas, those who are struggling silently. Today’s topic is depression and grief.

Around the world there are many people who are already struggling with Depression on an every day basis they struggle getting out of bed, the struggle showering and just doing mundane tasks like feeding your pets that a lot of us do with so much ease. It’s easy to hid depression but the signs can sometimes be as obvious as a sore thumb.
Just the same as people are struggling with Depression there are many people around the world that this Christmas will be a First. A first living away from their parents, A first for their child. A first with out that loved one that they held so near and dear.

Here is a list of some things to keep in mind.

• It’s okay to feel. Acceptance is one of the hardest part of Depression and most definitely grief. You do not need to be merry, you do not have to smile if you don’t want to, if you are feeling down. Accept and allow those feelings.
• Set your boundaries. You usually have a big family get together or two over the holiday season, but you want a quiet Christmas. You need to be firm with your family and let them know that you need to take care of your health.
• Know your limits, It is more then okay to say no! Dont look at me like that! Yes it is perfectly fine to say no! You need to understand what is going to be too much in order for you to keep at an optimal mental health. If you dont feel like you would have fun going to a party, dont go, Organize for a more comfortable time to hang out with that friend.
• Go for a walk. We all know the facts. Exercise releases the good endorphins that make you feel better. So, If you’re at the party already and you have gotten in to that stage where you just want to curl in a ball and cry, get up, go for a walk. But please be safe.
• Ask for help! I think this is the most important one here. It’s not a bad thing, you deserve to be okay, there are many services around the world, (which I will link below) that are there 24/7 that want to make sure you get through your troubles, I, we They want you to be okay, so please if you need it, seek it!
• Do things that make YOU happy. It doesnt matter if it’s laying in the rain, making a snow angel while listening to Metallica eating a whole tub of cookie and cream ice cream on your own while listening to Kelly Clarkson, do what makes YOU happy. The more to this, the better you will feel.

It’s a time of year where everyone feels the need to force a smile but there are people who are hidden away who would rather do anything but force another smile and sing jingle bells.There are many of us who have a friend who might be struggling. 

There are some things you can do too that might help.

• Allow them to feel. Often with depression people need to feel the feelings to understand what is wrong. Whether this is crying, yelling, screaming, kicking a fence. As long as they are not harming themselves, getting them selves in trouble or harming some one else, let them feel.
• Listen to them. Some times all we need a shoulder to cry on, other times we need an ear to listen to us, if you are given your friends deepest thoughts in the time when they are agonizing pain, then they trust you. Listen to them, be their ear but dont try to save them by solving all their problems, just listen.
• Accept them for who they are right now. We often want our nearest and dearest to come to every event with us. They might have been the life of the party last year but this year they really are not in to it. Accept that. Let them say no. Let them be alone, trust that they know what they need.
• Offer help. Sometimes our loved ones dont want to talk to us, perhaps they need to be alone with some music, or to read a book, or maybe they need to talk to some one who is knows absolutely nothing about them. Mention that Movie or song that you know makes them feel a little better. Recommend a book that made you feel nice. Give them the number for a help line or a website that night help, (Sane and Beyond blue are great ones in Australia) but dont force it on them.

Christmas is a time where most of us feel joy and happiness, we enjoy our families, we celebrate the good things in our life. For many it highlights the divisions, the distance and the loss. Please if you are worried about a work mate, friend or loved one, reach out. They’ll be thankful that you did.

Click Here For A list of World Hot lines