What is your idea of a perfect team?
That team that plays ball well together? The swim team that gets the gold medal? The football team that hasn't lost game all season? Something similar? Well for me, It's anxiety and depression.
For me to better explain to you the last few weeks of my life.
Lets look at our first player: Anxiety.
It all started when the kids in my street decided it was a good idea to play in my yard, me being me and not liking confrontation let them, kept quiet, well joyful little wonders they are decided to start destroying my fence, which I still don't know if i have to pay for or not.
The next thing that happened was constant threats of rocks being thrown through my windows, and things that may happen to my house. None of this happened, but with two previous break ins, and constantly finding people looking through my windows in the backyard, men (who i do not know) constantly asking to come in my home at 2am, you can maybe understand why my anxiety was a little sky high over these threats.
The next thing that happened was the bus company I frequent changed it's route. These same kids had thrown rocks at two different busses damaging them enough to stop an entire bus services from going down my street.
This might seam like a small deal to most people but this small thing changed, no big deal, but for me it's a huge overwhelming change that I don't think many people understand. The bus I would get an hour and a half after I would wake up. I had set times I did things, I would wake up at 645 an leave my house at 8.08 for my 8.15 bus. When they ended the route I had to change every thing i did in that hour and a half.
This was right before the holidays, I actually found out mid holidays why,
During these holidays my neighbour again caught some one in my back yard, so thankful for him being aware enough and telling this individual where to go, who knew what could have happened.
Anxiety is a really good addition to this team, even when I am smooth sailing, attending tafe, sitting in class, attending conferences, Anxiety still seems to make it's self aware where ever possible.
Lets look at our second addition to the team: Depression
Depression is that player that shows up when the team is a head in the game, when the score is super high. Players like depression start scoring, gaining lots of metres when, basically Depression comes a long and makes things better (please note the sarcasm in some of these statements)
I am one of those people who is lucky enough to have that AMAZING type of depression that lets you get to the top of your own game, it lets you push and fight against it, and then. . . knock you the hell off your feet, I call it self sabotaging depression.
I've been going pretty well lately, I think the secret is to not say that out loud, though! I literally said to some one (when they asked how I was going) that my life was pretty "breezy" at that point in time. To be honest i feel like since i said that self doubt, and self loathing has taken over completely.
A kind of self loathing where I believe this is what i deserve, this feeling this voice in my head is correct and I have no right to think otherwise.
The Team:
When you put these two players together with some other key players like a social phobia or PTSD you end up in a whirlwind. a heavy darkness, a fog that seems never ending.
They're a team that are so hard to play against. The team no one wants to face because their plight is just so brutal.
I know that in a couple of days, maybe weeks things will start to balance out again, just like it has any other time, I will come out the victor, but damn when you're in the thick of it they're hard to beat.
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