Why R U OK? Day is Problematic...Hear Me Out!

It's suicide prevention month, it's such a vitally important month worldwide, Suicide and it's prevention is one of the most important conversations we can have worldwide.

In Australia, one of the front-runners in the suicide conversation is R U OK? the company that has produce a vital campaign called R U OK? Day it has been a day that is changing the conversation of Mental Health and has been in a plight to do so for almost 10 years. but if I am honest, there's something about it that just gets under my skin. not about the campaign, but about peoples attitude toward it. In this post, I am going to talk about my issues with R U OK? day and what I think we can do to continue to make a positive difference in the conversation around Mental Health.

What a perfect team!

What is your idea of a perfect team?

That team that plays ball well together? The swim team that gets the gold medal? The football team that hasn't lost game all season? Something similar? Well for me, It's anxiety and depression. 

For me to better explain to you the last few weeks of my life. 

Lets look at our first player: Anxiety. 

It all started when the kids in my street decided it was a good idea to play in my yard, me being me and not liking confrontation let them, kept quiet, well joyful little wonders they are decided to start destroying my fence, which I still don't know if i have to pay for or not. 

The next thing that happened was constant threats of rocks being thrown through my windows, and things that may happen to my house. None of this happened, but with two previous break ins, and constantly finding people looking through my windows in the backyard, men (who i do not know) constantly asking to come in my home at 2am,  you can maybe understand why my anxiety was a little sky high over these threats. 

The next thing that happened was  the bus company I frequent changed it's route. These same kids had thrown rocks at two different busses damaging them enough to stop an entire bus services from going down my street.

This might seam like a small deal to most people but this small thing changed, no big deal, but for me it's a huge overwhelming change that I don't think many people understand. The bus I would get an hour and a half after I would wake up. I had set times I did things, I would wake up at 645 an leave my house at 8.08 for my 8.15 bus. When they ended the route I had to change every thing i did in that hour and a half. 

This was right before the holidays, I actually found out mid holidays why,

During these holidays my neighbour again caught some one in my back yard, so thankful for him being aware enough and telling this individual where to go, who knew what could have happened. 

Anxiety is a really good addition to this team, even when I am smooth sailing, attending tafe, sitting in class, attending conferences, Anxiety still seems to make it's self aware where ever possible. 

Lets look at our second addition to the team: Depression

Depression is that player that shows up when the team is a head in the game, when the score is super high. Players like depression start scoring, gaining lots of metres when, basically Depression comes a long and makes things better (please note the sarcasm in some of these statements) 

I am one of those people who is lucky enough to have that AMAZING type of depression that lets you get to the top of your own game, it lets you push and fight against it, and then. . . knock you the hell off your feet, I call it self sabotaging depression. 

I've been going pretty well lately, I think the secret is to not say that out loud, though! I literally said to some one (when they asked how I was going) that my life was pretty "breezy" at that point in time. To be honest i feel like since i said that self doubt, and self loathing has taken over completely. 

A kind of self loathing where I believe this is what i deserve, this feeling this voice in my head is correct and I have no right to think otherwise. 

The Team: 

When you put these two players together with some other key players like a social phobia or PTSD you end up in a whirlwind. a heavy darkness, a fog that seems never ending. 

They're a team that are so hard to play against. The team no one wants to face because their plight is just so brutal. 

I know that in a couple of days, maybe weeks things will start to balance out again, just like it has any other time, I will come out the victor, but damn when you're in the thick of it they're hard to beat.

If you would like to read my other Mental Health related posts, click here

PSA: You Do Not Need to Justify Your Anxiety

I am a highly anxious person, it's not a secret, I live with three different types of Anxiety running through these veins there is rarely a time that i don't feel some kind of anxiety in me. At times though, it's easier to manage then others. The times when it's harder, I tend to be more vocal about it. 

I've been noticing something of a trend lately (when i say trend, it could have been happening for a while, but I've only just become aware of it.) 

When I bring up my anxiety I am always asked, that question  

"Why?" 

It's a good question and I suspect about 80% of people who ask it mean well but the problem is, half the time I don't know why I am anxious until its over. 

I mean sure, there are times when I know i have a commitment or something, I could be kept awake because of it for nights before hand, or i could wake up almost vomiting all over my dog. Those, those anxious times I can cope, I can often be sitting in the middle of a family gathering and feel anxious for seemingly no reason. And that's okay until people ask that one question that I do not have the answer too. 

To be honest, when I am asked this question, I always feel like I am not believed, like my anxiety is not real, like I am almost being interrigated. It makes me question myself, but seriously!

Why?............Honestly? I don;t always know!

What I do know that there is a little part of the brain called the amygdala that was damaged when I was younger me, when this traumatised bad enough, you get your funky little anxiety disorders, General Anxiety Disorders, PTSD, social phobias and like wise. The amygdala is there to pretty much (taking all the neuroscience words out of it) process your emotions, including fear which is the biggest form of anxiety. If it is damaged repeatedly, then of course it's not going to run the same, like any thing. So it's finding fear unconsciously, or consciously, depending on the situation. 

Even with this information, in my mind when ever some one as why i am anxious i feel obligated to give them a reason, because it never feels enough for me to say "I'm anxious," They want a reason, they want a solution, but I'm sorry, that's not how it works, well for me at least that's not how it works. 

So, to all the people who do not live with constant anxiety, next time some one tells you they are anxious, try not to ask why, perhaps change the question a little, try not to make your friend (or family) feel obligated to tell you, but if they do have a reason, listen openly, don't try to solve it for them, the reasons and solutions are often just as complex as the why. 

To my fellow people living with anxiety, you do not need to answer that question. If you are self aware enough to know that what you are feeling is Anxiety good on you, you're doing so well. Anxiety is hard, you do not need to make it harder but feeling obligated to help the world understand. 

***

If you would like to hear any more about my personal experiences with Anxiety shoot me some requests or questions in the comments below!!

If you would like to read my other Mental Health related posts, click here

Anxiety & What to do?

So it's less then a week until Christmas and if you're anything like me this is the absolute worst part of the holiday period for me. Most years I try to get everything done before the mad rush before Christmas but my payment does not come in until the 23rd.. . . which means i will be doing ALL of my Christmas Shopping on the 23rd two days before Christmas. . . I am getting pretty tense just thinking about it, so like I did with the Christmas, Depression and How to Help (click here to read) I am going to give you some ideas on how to self help and how to help out a friend or loved one who may be experiencing Anxiety or something similar over the holiday season.

Help yourself: 

If you're reading this you're probably pretty aware that you've got anxiety of some form, these tips below are some tings that i personally use to help myself through some of my more anxious periods. 

• Listen to music or Read: This one is pretty straight forward. If you're feeling tense take some time to listen to some music that calms you or read a chapter in a book. For me it can be one song, or three pages that calm me down, for you it might be more, or less. 
• Meditate: If you're anything like me the first time I was introduced to meditation I kind of rolled my eyes and laughed a little, until i actually tried it properly. I like to use the mindfulness way of meditating as I can do it in many places with out people knowing, However there are hundreds of meditation guides on the Internet, namely YouTube, I'd be happy to help you find some, just tweet me @moniquediplock ,I'd be happy to help
• Grounding: A lot of people haven't really heard of grounding but its a really good way to take your minds attention away from an anxiety or panic attack. If you feel panic or anxiety boiling up just simply look around you for five red things, or five R's or five tree's that are the same, do this for a while and it will distract your mind. Another good way to ground yourself is to download a gaming app on your phone, I like to have a Word Search app of some description and just go to town on that to bring my self back down a little bit
• know your limits:  A lot of people don't know their anxiety limits, if you don't this is probably the best time of year to find them out, some peoples anxieties are triggered by children, some are triggered by crowds, others are triggered by being alone. What ever your anxiety or panic triggers may be chances are over the next week you will more then likely experience them. Once you know what your limits are stick by them, for your own sake as well as others. 
• Take Time Out: This one is pretty important for me. Once you know your limits you know when it's getting to the point where you need to take a moment out, get some fresh air, go for a walk, Most people don't know this about me but I am not afraid to go sit in the toilet for 15mins if i am having an anxiety attack. I have done this on many occasions before an appointment or in the middle of class before a test, I mean it's not the most hygienic of options, but no one can judge you for going to the toilet now, can they? 
• Set a budget: This one doesn't need much explanation, We all need to eat after Christmas as well, if you set a budget for gifts and a budget for food this will cut down some the holiday related stress. 
• Exercise: Like with depression exercise releases some endorphins that reduces the affects that anxiety can have on a persons system. Go for a 10 min walk before an event that you know will trigger your anxiety, go for a walk mid event, but please, be safe. 
• Say No: It's one thing to know your limits, its another to be able to say no. No is such a strong, powerful word, Say it at the right time and you could thank yourself a little later. 

Signs of Anxiety in yourself: 

There are over 100 signs and symptoms of Anxiety, these are just a few that i personally get, they are certainly not limited to this in anyway:

• Dizziness, Numbness and tingling
• Chest pain
• Headaches, Neck tension
• Nausea, Stomach upset, nervous stomach
• Fear of impending doom
• Shortness of breath
• Heart palpitations
• Feeling like you are going crazy
• Inability to rest

Help some one else: 

Some times it's hard to be the friend of some one with an anxiety disorder. Even as a human with an anxiety disorder I can often find it quite difficult to be around other people with different sorts of anxiety then mine, but it is so important to know how to help your friend when he or she is in  or about to launch in to a panic or anxiety attack. 

• Get them to a place where they feel safe: If you can see your friend or loved one is coming to a state of panic, remove them from what ever situation you're in, get them some where they feel safe, even if it's some where you don't particular feel so great. 
• Leave them alone, Or don't: This one pretty much leads in to the next one, A lot of people want to be left alone during an anxiety or panic attack, i know i do, but a lot of people don't, the thought of being alone at these times is worse then the thing they are fearing or panicking about. If they want to be alone, let them, if they do not, let them know you're there. 
• Ask them what they need: A lot of people who live with Anxiety know what they need (many don't) Your friend is likely to tell you what will help them, water, head phones fresh air. Listen to them and try to help, with what they are telling you they need. 
• ground them: or distract them. Tell them about something your cat or dog did that was super cute, ask them to find five circles or ten people wearing a red jumper. This will their mind move on from the problem and hopefully you guys can be on your merry way to celebrating what ever you desire. 
• Stay calm: This is super important. Anxiety is being scared all the time. If your friend or loved one sees that you are also agitated, whether it be from their panic or a fear of you own, they will more then likely jump to the conclusion of their fear being your fear as well, you staying calm and assuring your friend will hopefully sooth them. 
• Don't judge: After and during the anxiety attack your friend or loved one is going to feel like they are a burden to you, like they have wasted your time, like you hate them. Please if your friend lets you see them at this time, their most vulnerable time, don't judge them for it, it's hard enough, If we could avoid these attacks, trust me, we would!

Signs of Anxiety in Someone Else: 

There are over 100 signs and symptoms of Anxiety, these are just a few that i personally get, they are certainly not limited to this in anyway:

• They're always tense, 
• They complain of chest pains or a fast beating heart. 
• Always on edge, looking around or acting like they are waiting for something. 
• They're fears are strange, 
• They sleep horribly, 
• Always snappy or grumpy, 
• It's their way or the highway with tasks, 
• They avoid certain things that could trigger them (for example, I hate crowds)

If you would like to read any of my other Mental Health Related posts, simply click here!

Christmas is a time where most of us feel joy and happiness, we enjoy our families, we celebrate the good things in our life. For many it highlights the divisions, the distance and the loss. Please if you are worried about a work mate, friend or loved one, reach out. They’ll be thankful that you did.

Click Here For A list of World Hot lines