So, I've been trying to write this blog post for a while, I just opened the drafts and it said 'I know it's been three months' Well now, It's actually been four months. .. make that five months and nine days and I still can't seem to get anywhere close to crafting something that I'd be okay with posting.
Obviously, this blog post is going to be talking about Chester Bennington who ended his life by suicide on July 20 earlier this year (2017).
Before I get too far into the post, if you are feeling unwell or are having suicidal thoughts, or know someone who may be, please talk to someone email me [moniquediplock(at)outlook(dot)com] or contact your local number on the world helpline listed here
Chester always had a smile on his face. Even though Linkin Park's earlier music. . .(and a lot of what they are remembered for) was quite angry sounding, you could always see in his eyes he was a deep, caring human being. I always felt that I could relate to his words and he was someone I looked at and thought 'Damn that dude's been through a lot if he can do it, so can I'.
When I woke at 530am on the Morning of July 21 (I am in Australia so I am in the future) to a message from my brother telling me Chester had passed away, I forced myself to go back to sleep. When I woke up I was convinced it wasn't real. . . apparently, it is.
Linkin Park was a really massive foundation of my formative years, I haven't had a mixed CD or Playlist that has not had In The End on it since about 2001. I'm not going to sit here and pretend that Linkin Park was my favorite band or anything like that but they were still important to me.
I'm about to launch into a university degree after 3 years of studying mental health even through all I've learned, you don't expect the people you look up too to pass away, I never expected Chester to pass away that way. It's really taken me on a rollercoaster ride with my own mental health and it's made me question a lot about my own life and coping mechanism.
Since July there hasn't been a day passed that I haven't asked why in some way shape or form.Why can't I stop listening to Linkin Park? Why has suicide been on my brain now more than at any time in my life? Why do good people die? Why am I here and not Chester? Why do people have to deal with Mental Health Issues? Why did so many people have to lose such a good person? Why did it have to be Chester?
I guess I'm really good at asking questions that will probably never have answers.
To Talinda Bennington.
Thank you!
I'm sorry you lost your soul mate, but Thank you!
You've been such an inspiration. I don't know how you are so strong right now when everything is so raw but you have quickly become someone I look up to and admire immensely, I hope as I get older I can be half as strong as you. You and Chester obviously meant so much to each other and everything you are doing in his name right now. . . Amazing. Many people in the same position could not and you are making Chester prouder then you could ever imagine.
The Mental Health terrain will change because of what you're doing.
You're a class act!
Thank you!
__
I wanted to write so much more in this blog post, I've come back to it over and over again since July and it's just not happening in the way I want it too, but blogging means a lot to me. I hadn't posted something since July 14 (i think) I didn't want to continue with this blog without acknowledging the amazing soul the world lost.
As I said I may never get the answers I want but something that has been rehashed for me since Chester's death is my need to advocate for Mental Health and change the world we live in so the next generations don't have as hard of a time as ours has in speaking out and getting help.
Thanks for reading every one even if it was a bit babbly.
Back in October, my friend held an art exhibition called 'Embrace your brain' where he hung paper mache brains decorated by many different people in order to express how many people have many different brains and we should embrace them and our Mental Health.
I decorated mine in honor of Chester, here are some pictures below. It has the hash tags, #fuckdepression, and #makechesterproud. the writing its just lots of different Linkin Park lyrics, I can't remember what went where I can find out though haha. Also, Chesters pretty face which... .got wrinkled with the glue, but I was still happy with the overall outcome.
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