Hey
buddies!
I wrote a blog
before this one that dealt with my mental health a little, then I
realized, I kind of needed to give you guys a little life catch up..
If you’re a
regular follower of this blog you well realize that I haven’t
posted since August, my post before that was July 11. The space in
between these two posts, my world pretty much fell apart.
On the 15th of July
2019, my little brother and best friend Lane passed away suddenly.
Lane was 23 and one of the massive veins that held our family
together. I talk about it at length on my Youtube Channel.
During the same
time, one of my good friends and my birthday buddy died by suicide. A
few months later, my paternal grand mother passed away. Needless to
say, the last 5-6 months have been an utter pain in the ass.
To be honest, the
second half of 2019 felt like 10 years in it’s self, not to mention
the mental pain myself and my family have been going through.
I’ve spent most of
my time since in bed avoiding my head by binging Youtube, Netflix,
Stan and Disney+. I did manage to win NaNoWriMo after losing in 2018
but I sort of kind of haven’t written a word since… other than my
embarrassingly overdue university essays.
Moving on to 2020,
it’s gotten off to a cracking start, I had a day surgery, and
avoided my life for a further 21 days.
I am aware of the
massive change in my life and how I need to adapt to it, in fact, I
talk about it in the follow up blog to this one. At the same time
though, I am getting really sick of myself and how much of nothing I
have done over the last 6 months. I have so much that I want to do
for my brother to honor him, and so many dreams of my own, so since
Tuesday I’ve been forcing myself out of bed to get stuff done.
I am usually a
person that makes new years resolutions, I usually choose a word. (I
think my word for 2019 was achieve) This year, even though I thought
about it for a very long time, I decided this year I’m not going
to expect to change the world like I usually do. I don’t
think that’s fair on me.
The only goal in
have made for this year is to wake up daily and at the very
minimum, do one productive activity a day. I may have decided on this 21
days in to the year, but I think it’s a good idea, so when I get to
December 31, I can at least feel like I’ve done something as I am
forced to adapt to a world that I didn’t want or ask for.
Other than that,
that’s pretty much all I have planned for 2020. I’m sure other
things will happen, other goals will arise, I know I still need to
navigate my way through university. There will be good times, there
will be sad and bad times, but I think at this point, I just need to
get through each day doing something to help a future me that might
have a less foggy brain.
I know this wasn’t
a happy go lucky positive blog, but I felt I was an important one to
write so my readers were aware of the situation I am in at the
moment.
I hope to post a
little more regularly then I have been. Creating, writing, sharing
and hopefully inspiring people is one of the things that gets me
through my hard and dark times.
Thanks for reading,
comment below some of the goals you have for 2020, I hope you are
able to stick around so we can share this journey together.
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